Everything You Know

"Funny. Cause I wasn't talking about your 'blog'. I was talking about a green notebook with 'x' like tears through the last written pages."

Which, of course, was very egotistical and conceited. It was a journal for someone else about me. This starkly contrasts that red thing which is most comprised of: fear of not being good enough, getting angry at yourself, being extremely creepy and overwhelming with lines that all end in 'can't live without you', and the occasional subtle guilt-trip.

When I say 'contrast' I guess mean 'same' on the egotistical scale. Not that there is anything wrong with that, it means you're doing what I already did before right. I'd definitely try to tone down on the 'obsessive bitch' part of it all though. People are starting to notice.

"How many times can someone give you the same unique piece of art before you grow sick of it?"

Style

Style can come across as awkward when you don't really have one.

Let me justify this by saying that when I personally do the works that end I being the most unhappy with, I'm usually trying to imitate something I really enjoy, be it gritty realism or the style of some of my favorite artists. I still don't feel like I have a full grounding or comprehension of style and what I can really do with it, only very basic information.

What I do know is that this style

comes naturally to me. I don't have to think about a whole lot, it just happens and I just let it happen and I'm rarely really upset with it. Sure it's stiff and needs to loosen up a bit, but it feels different. I don't second guess it, and I feel like I have a lot of control over it. However, that is part of the issue for me.

Art hasn't felt easy since I was little. It hasn't not felt like a struggle to get everything perfect in a long time. And since doing things in this style feels easier, in my head I feel like it has to be 'the easy way out', and I hate that. Not to mention that I don't like it nearly as much for conveying certain emotions as other styles do.

I think I'm torn here.

Someone say something.


(also Alexis you're stupid, this is my blog, as in my journal, why wouldn't it come across as 'egotistical'. Christ, I'm not a fucking philanthropist.)