"He doesn't want us to cut through our chains

He wants us to cut through our feet." (And you know fucking good and well that we're doing it.)

It doesn't get easier, it's not a secret. You can't change how you feel in an instant, and sometimes you never can. Nothing can make it any less real, and it's those moments of reality that make the rest of it worth it. Sometimes we're just forced to live with pain, regardless of how much sense it makes. And all I can do is take that pain and try to make something worthwhile out of it. And I'm working on something I would call very worthwhile to me. It will probably upset a lot of people once it's out there and they see it, but I can't help but not really give a fuck. If it's what I have to do to feel something real again, then it's what I'm going to do.

In the mean time, I'm falling in love with pretty people and drawing them, poorly. This first boy's eyes were so beautiful that I would never be able to do them justice.

The second boy here has this thin, perfect neck that if I talk about for too long you might think me crazy.

(larger version upon click)

So far I'm not doing a good job masking the feeling of wanting to slit my throat*. It doesn't get easier, but I hear that if you wait long enough it does end.



*metaphor, you idiot